Why the AMA is Losing the Health War

AMA Intelligence Agent CX993 field report… October 12, 2003. Have infiltrated the enemy target. Healing center has its own campus, mostly natural. Very little concrete. All corners rounded. Convinced them I was a deep tissue massage therapist… easier that way to take out my aggressions toward them without arousing suspicion. Watching them closely and looking for opportunities to get deeper inside.

AMA Intelligence Agent CX993 field report… November 25, 2003. Still maintaining deep cover inside healing center. Primary activities of center include colon hydrotherapy and supervised juice fasts. Difficult to hold my feelings about this treasonous behavior in check – my allegiance to AMA approved medicine only is still strong – and my ability to pretend to support this ridiculous quackery is good. Proud to be of service to my country.

AMA Intelligence Agent CX993 field report… December 24, 2004. Missing my private physician and my pharmaceuticals. Have judged it too risky to continue to take my antidepressant medication here. Everyone lives onsite in primitive dwellings. Have to talk with them constantly about how good we are being for mother earth. Disgusting. No private bathroom- no sure place to hide pills, so will use my willpower to conquer emotions. I’ll be fine. My desire to eliminate all this quackery is stronger than my old depression was.

AMA Intelligence Agent CX993 field report… December 26, 2004. Was very lonely on Christmas without family. Tried to make cell phone call to my physician’s nurse secretly, but was surprised and invited to meditate with another massage therapist, an attractive but hopelessly deluded little sprite. Facility here has little security, but all staff are very close. Reminds me of operations in Falujah in 1989. Have to adopt lifestyle convincingly. To that end, have had to accept invitation from the colon hydrotherapist to have colon cleansing. Such masochism here, all in the name of health. Pseudoscientific crap!

AMA Intelligence Agent CX993 field report… December 31, 2004. Feeling much more upbeat about deep cover work here. Sprite thinks it’s because of the colon cleansing, but I think it’s my focused patriotism. Long live the AMA! Annoying little female massage nymph whose name really actually is, get this, ‘Sprite’, trying to sucker me into relationship, it appears, but I’m too revolted by her to accept (doesn’t shave armpits). Tell Cindy F. in Advanced Weapons Technology I said hi. Made acquaintance with woman who owns the center, trying to get into her confidence, assessing weaknesses we can exploit here.

AMA Intelligence Agent CX993 field report… January 11, 2004. Haven’t checked in lately- confused- difficult to resist constantly positive smiling healers- I’ve become a bit depressed- they seem to see it- couldn’t help it got involved with Sprite- but had to to avoid arousing suspicion- shamanic journey therapist told me I needed to ‘pursue the light’. Found center’s files, skimmed them- not sure if there’s anything we can use- maybe some kind of IRS violation we can find in their finances. On a strange note, I actually enjoyed one of the colon hydrotherapy sessions. This quackery can be disorienting. See how these people might become confused enough to be so deluded.

AMA Intelligence Agent CX993 field report… January 19, 2004. Sick of juice, can’t stop thinking about bone-in rib-eye steaks! Dream about them all night. Sprite told me I’m moaning ‘meat’ in my sleep. I told her I dreamt she was saying it about me- close call. Couldn’t photocopy tax records because they’ve been going without power to ‘save the earth’. Suspect they didn’t pay electric bill. Will report in again after stupid healing retreat we all have to do.

AMA Intelligence Agent CX93(?) field report… February 1, 2004. Requesting transfer or new assignment. Strange thoughts. Questioning AMA. Retreat was intense. Found my spirit name, White Horse. Feel I’m being brainwashed. But it’s working- very confused. No longer want steak. Feeling tearful affection for other staff. Was happy when I helped a massage patient. Think I’d be better off back in a Middle East assignment.

AMA Intelligence Agent ????? field report… February 3, 2004. No word from you- is something wrong? This is my last ounce of strength telling you I need out of this sickeningly positively heavenly awesome transformative place. They tell me my colon looks perfect and all my flora are balanced. Idea of steak or McDonald’s makes me nauseous. Created my own fasting juice blend. Help!

February 7, 2004. This will be my last communiqué. Sprite and I married in pagan ceremony with female minister. We created spontaneous wedding love song. Attending online colon hydrotherapy course and learning to heal others. Hope you can get free like I did. But you probably won’t understand. Don’t try to contact me again. None of your AMA arguments or weapons will work. Sorry, let me rephrase- if you want a colon cleansing or juice fast, please contact me. Can’t you see that you have to seek the light?
- White Horse.