Here's the President's top ten list from August 23rd. Did you miss it?
The theme of the Aug 23 meeting of Toastmasters of La Jolla was the Humorous Speech Contest, and the Tabletopics Contest. As usual, I made a sharp lefthand turn and spun the topic. The focus was on competing and winning, so I thought I'd make the losers feel more comfortable.
Losing has gotten a bad rap. There are some really good benefits to losing. Here are...
The Top Ten Advantages of Being a Loser
10. Plenty of time to discover how many different shapes you make with a paper clip
9. More time with opposite sex means your loser genes are more likely to dominate the gene pool
8. Easier to keep relationships because girls that like losers have lower standards
7 . Mobile home parks are filled with your kind, and they're cheap!
6. If the Democrats win in 2004, all losers will receive a $90,000 tax credit.
5. If you lose dramatically on TV, you can get more airtime than the winner
4. TV is always looking for a guy whose broken leg pokes through his skin, or a driver whose car flips 12 times and then blows up
3. Losers always outnumber winners, so you can all jump the winner and beat him up
2. Sometimes losers win out of sheer luck and that really pisses off the winners
And the number one advantage of being a loser is...
1. No demanding training schedules means more time to watch Seinfeld reruns
Rabu, 25 Agustus 2004
Rabu, 18 Agustus 2004
Top 10 Dumbest Quotes Ever
Tonite’s Toastmasters of La Jolla theme is “Traveling Through Space and Time,” and as I thought about astronauts, cosmonauts, and whatnauts, I remembered there is another kind of space, INNER space – and some of us have more inner space than others- e.g. blondes, jocks, etc. and we are often called “Space Cadets.”
So tonight’s top ten list is a bunch of quotes that come from some of our most famous Space Cadets – here are my top ten dumbest quotes ever:
10. "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- Dan Quayle
9. "I was dramatically shaped by my grandmother and my aunts because they convinced me there was always a cookie available. Deep down inside I'm four years old, and I wake up and think out there, there's a cookie. Every morning I'm going, you know, either it can be baked or it's already been bought, but it's in a jar . . . somewhere. . . ."
— Newt Gingrich, 1994
8. "My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we have people from every planet on the earth in this state. We have the sons and daughters of every, of people from every planet, of every country on earth."
— Former California Gov. Gray Davis, during the recall campaign
7. "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
- a North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to his Coach why he appeared nervous at practice, 1982
6. "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had been to the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
5. "Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win."
- Basketball announcer Doug Collins
4. "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
3. "I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."
-Baseball player Mike Greenwell
2. "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, Point Guard, New Jersey Nets
And the number one dumbest quote ever is…
“I love being a star because I get to travel overseas to places like Canada.”
-Britney Spears
So tonight’s top ten list is a bunch of quotes that come from some of our most famous Space Cadets – here are my top ten dumbest quotes ever:
10. "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- Dan Quayle
9. "I was dramatically shaped by my grandmother and my aunts because they convinced me there was always a cookie available. Deep down inside I'm four years old, and I wake up and think out there, there's a cookie. Every morning I'm going, you know, either it can be baked or it's already been bought, but it's in a jar . . . somewhere. . . ."
— Newt Gingrich, 1994
8. "My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we have people from every planet on the earth in this state. We have the sons and daughters of every, of people from every planet, of every country on earth."
— Former California Gov. Gray Davis, during the recall campaign
7. "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
- a North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to his Coach why he appeared nervous at practice, 1982
6. "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had been to the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
5. "Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win."
- Basketball announcer Doug Collins
4. "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
3. "I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."
-Baseball player Mike Greenwell
2. "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, Point Guard, New Jersey Nets
And the number one dumbest quote ever is…
“I love being a star because I get to travel overseas to places like Canada.”
-Britney Spears
Selasa, 10 Agustus 2004
Top 10 Signs Your Outdoors Toastmasters Meeting Isn't Working Out
(I'm the president of my club, Toastmasters of La Jolla, and I kick off every meeting. In the summer, we have a meeting or two at the beautiful La Jolla Cove.)
Last week, I introduced a fixture to my Presidential comments, the top ten list. In the spirit of tonight’s theme, The Dog Days of Summer, here are the top ten signs that your outdoor Toastmasters meeting isn’t working out:
10. Bored members hanging around the free wine table long before the break.
9. Several of the guests keep looking around to make sure no one’s taking their shopping carts.
8. Instead of wine, your club serves 40 oz.’ers.
7. Audience members keep getting hit in head with Frisbees.
6. Your toastmaster’s theme is Lynyrd Skynyrd, and their CD player is infinitely repeating “Free Bird.”
5. The General Evaluator, dressed in a kilt, spends his entire two and a half minutes saying the club is filled with girlie-men.
4. Half the membership gets lost looking for the “meeting at the cave”
3. Your president shows up wearing only a thong.
2. The partisanship sweeping the nation overcomes your club as angry members throw salsa and squirt shaken-up beers at one another.
And the number one side that your outdoors Toastmasters meeting isn’t working out…
No one is sober enough to participate in table topics.
Last week, I introduced a fixture to my Presidential comments, the top ten list. In the spirit of tonight’s theme, The Dog Days of Summer, here are the top ten signs that your outdoor Toastmasters meeting isn’t working out:
10. Bored members hanging around the free wine table long before the break.
9. Several of the guests keep looking around to make sure no one’s taking their shopping carts.
8. Instead of wine, your club serves 40 oz.’ers.
7. Audience members keep getting hit in head with Frisbees.
6. Your toastmaster’s theme is Lynyrd Skynyrd, and their CD player is infinitely repeating “Free Bird.”
5. The General Evaluator, dressed in a kilt, spends his entire two and a half minutes saying the club is filled with girlie-men.
4. Half the membership gets lost looking for the “meeting at the cave”
3. Your president shows up wearing only a thong.
2. The partisanship sweeping the nation overcomes your club as angry members throw salsa and squirt shaken-up beers at one another.
And the number one side that your outdoors Toastmasters meeting isn’t working out…
No one is sober enough to participate in table topics.
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