Scientists Discover Forgetful Husband Gene

NEWS RELEASE



FOR RELEASE:June 11, 2003



Fifteen years of research culminated yesterday in the announcement that scientists with the Olvida Corporation in Paris had mapped the gene thought to be responsible for poor memory in married men. The gene, whose scientific name is Y-gamma-testostine, is affectionately called the ‘Forgetful Husband Gene,’ or FHG.



“The era of lost keys and forgotten anniversaries may soon come to an end. Perhaps marriages endangered by this perceived insensitivity may even be saved,” suggested French Geneticist Jean Claude Vann-Darne.



“FHG is definitely linked to the Y-chromosome,” Vann-Darne explained. “It mitigates neuronal activity in the nucleus accumbens. What’s remarkable is that it only does this after marriage. Henceforth, the memory function of affected husbands for family schedules is completely absent.”



More studies are needed to verify the differences in genetic and neurochemical activity in unmarried men living with girlfriends or fiancés. “What we don’t understand is how the gene knows its man has gotten married,” intimated Vann-Darne.



The human genome project recently completed its map of all human genes. Geneticists now begin with the genome map, and then design biomedical studies to investigate correlations between genes and physiologic processes. This map has made projects like the ‘Forgetful Husband Gene’ faster and less expensive.



The similarity of the third part of FHG’s name - testostine - to testosterone is no coincidence. “We’ve found that men with high testosterone levels are not only more likely to go bald, but also more likely to forget birthdays, anniversaries, and plane flights.”



When asked how difficult it would be to turn the forgetful husband gene off, Vann-Darne was cautious. “It’s hard to say at this point. It looks as if this may be the type of gene we call ‘stubborn.’ Plus, we can’t say for sure that forgetful husbands will want to have their FHG blocked. It might interfere with important football games, trips to Home Depot, or other high-testosterone activities. However, our marketing department is already drawing up advertisements for these men’s wives.”



Jim Guantano, a spokesperson for the men’s organization, Forgetful Not Selfish (FNS) was confident that this new research would pave the way for easier passing of more men’s rights laws. FNS is expected to begin lobbying state legislatures next month for disability policies, tax credits, and free pocket organizers for men affected by the Forgetful Husband Gene.



“We’ve had enough of the jokes about our memories,” said Guantano. “They’re slurs, plain and simple, and now that it’s been proven that men can’t do anything about their 'forgetters,’ people are just going to have to learn to be more sensitive.”

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